Random Babbling

Hi everyone! Well... there isint a whole lot new going on with me.. I am getting anxious about my appointment with the thyroid doctor.. My appointmen is not until February.. and It seems like since it is so far away...I just have all the time to think about it now... See what happened is my Gyno... who I have to see for my follow up visits since my hysterctomy.. He had my blood work ran and there is a thyroid problem... so he has referred me to a special thyroid doctor... who I have yet to meet... or discuss exactly whats going on... My doctor went ahead and put me on a thyroid medicine...called Synthroid for the meantime.. I am curious to know if this thyroid issue had any effect on my weight... As I have been about the same weight most my life.. then I gained almost 100 lbs in less than a year.... It was like overnite... I swear... Anyhoo... I am a worrier... and I just have so much on my brain.....

I thought I would tell you all a little about my family life.. If anyone has any similar life experiences and want to chat.. please feel free to contact me!

My hubby and I live with his mom and dad... Both of whom are disabled... I feel like a let down to the family because I know that they had wanted grand children....and my hysterectomy was completely unexpected.... They say they are just glad that I am ok... and I know that they sincerely mean that... but it doesnt make the feeling inside go away... Im sure it is normal to feel this way after a hysterectomy... but it sure doesnt make things any easier....
My mother in law is very sick...One thing being a terminal disease called Lupus...
I had never really heard of Lupus or knew anything about it until I moved here.....
Its a terrible disease....and People really need to be aware of it....I get angry sometimes because I dont think there are enough Lupus awareness sites or information being spread around.
When I first came here....Her Lupus was not so bad..... But now... 3 years later... Its unmistakeable..... The doctors now, are basically trying to keep her out of pain... She also has severe osteoperosis and is very prone to bone fractures and breaks....also dementia and possibly first stage alzheimers... Its hard for the doctor to say what all is Lupus related and what is not...Her Liver is starting to shut down... She only has a small piece still working... The doctor says it is the Lupus that is doing it to the Liver.... She has so many things going bad.... Its an awefull feeling inside to see someone you love....and there health is deteriorating right before your eyes...and its like there is nothing you can do...
It drives me insane...and I hate to see her this way....
and worse of it is... She knows her health is deteriorating...and her mind... yet there is nothing she can do either to stop it or slow it down... It breaks my heart....
How do you talk about it when you know a loved one is so ill?
My hubby and my father in law dont care to discuss it at all... and sometimes I worry if they fully understand the situation or not.... For a long time.. they were blind to her ailments and symptoms.... like if they ignored them...then they really didnt exist..kind of thing...
My father in law is also slightly mentally challenged... but I try to explain things to him always in a way that he will understand...
I just feel like life can be so cruel and unfair sometimes....
She is such an inspiration to me... staying strong and fearless through everything she has been through and is still going through... I hope that I turn out to be half the woman that she is.

Sorry for venting but I feel like i will explode sometimes...